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can someone help me out? (not mpreg related) - Printable Version

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can someone help me out? (not mpreg related) - beevent - 11-03-2019

i really like this guy but ive asked him out twice and both times hes said he is straight. i learned from my friend not too long ago that hes "homophobic" and is "afraid" of me.. my friend also said that he acts really weird about that stuff too, such as when they hang out he sleeps in a completely different room so he isnt "seen as gay" or whatever. im not saying hes not straight but it is... questionable. anyway i just want to be on good terms with him and i know his birthday is coming up soon. would it be weird if i got him a present? we don't really talk much and i dont want to come off as creepy. feel free to delete this or warn me if this goes against the rules in some way..

RE: can someone help me out? (not mpreg related) - MassiveBellyLovr - 11-05-2019

Awkward behavior could suggest some bad personal experiences. Tread carefully.

Also; (and i'm not assuming your intentions, it's just worth noting) it's important to evaluate what you're still feeling for this guy who's already turned you down twice, and how you expect things to go when/if "good terms" are restored.
As you said, you really like him; but if the initial foundation of you wanting to continue interacting with him in any capacity is still driven by you hoping for more than friendship, then you're only going to be putting yourself in a miserable pit, pretending to feel content once you are friends and nothing else.

Either way, I feel it's better for both of you to keep your distance.
Don't think about "trying to be with" anyone for a while. Focus on you and what you have that already makes you happy. Focus on your friends. Make MORE friends. -Then, maybe new feelings for someone else will form unexpectedly, more organically, and mutually? You never know!

RE: can someone help me out? (not mpreg related) - joshlg_uk - 11-05-2019

I have to agree with this, as a hetero man if another guy who was a friend started pushing for more I would find it uncomfortable. I have several gay and bi friends but we all know the score and they know I'm not interested. I think he has made his position clear and you need to find somebody who is mutually attracted to you.

Josh

RE: can someone help me out? (not mpreg related) - Mystic - 11-05-2019

First, I've gotta reinforce everything that MassiveBellyLovr said. 100% agree. Keeping your distance for the foreseeable future is probably best.

Second, if you absolutely must interact with him, I would recommend apologizing. No conditionals, "Sorry I asked you out again after you told me you're straight, but..." A full out "Sorry I asked you out after you already said you were straight. That was really rude and disrespectful of me." Anything other than that is just going to make him self-conscious about whatever he's doing that you perceive as gay and cause mental and emotional issues for him. And even if he is closeted, that's only going to compound on whatever issues are potentially keeping him in the closet.
Asking anyone out after they've already told you their sexuality isn't compatible with you is pretty rude. Respect people when they tell you their sexuality regardless of how "questionable" you think it is. Doing anything else just further enforces stereotypes about acting straight vs acting gay and does nobody any favors. It doesn't matter how many signs there are that their sexuality is not what they've said. Don't presume to know someone's mind and heart better than they do.

In the future the best thing you can do for someone that you suspect is in the closet is to let them find their own way out. Lead your own life in a way that shows them there is no shame in being LGBTQ+ and that there is just as much  happiness to be found living a LGBTQ+ life as there is in living a straight one. Don't pressure them, don't ask them out, don't question them. Lead by example and trust that they will eventually find their own happiness.

RE: can someone help me out? (not mpreg related) - beevent - 11-07-2019

you guys are right. i just feel like a dick for not even trying to end on good terms with someone ive known for four years. i dont want him to think of me as some "scary gay person that i should avoid" but as someone he can talk to. i try to be sympathetic with everyone i can and try and put myself in their shoes. i guess i just jumped the gun. both the times i asked him out were like 3 years ago so i was a bit more immature. i just feel like the typical "james charles" gay guy, and i really hate it. i dont want someone to look at me and instantly know that im gay and it really fucking sucks. i want to feel and be more masculine but sometimes i just forget, and it doesn't help that my voice is a bit higher than most guys. thank you guys for the help though i really wasnt expecting a response.

RE: can someone help me out? (not mpreg related) - Sazzy - 11-11-2019

Honestly, leave it alone. Not trying to be disrespectful, but you asked once, got an answer, then pushed it again. It would be best to just swallow it and let it be. It would be unfair to throw yourself in his face, and I don't think you would be happy with the results. I'm glad you were open to the advice on here.

RE: can someone help me out? (not mpreg related) - Sazzy - 11-11-2019

Hey, also, don't get down on yourself for being a certain way! You are who you are. Being interested in self-improvement is always a good thing, but don't feel like you have to change just because other people's stereotypes are what they are.