(10-15-2012, 05:02 AM)KPepper Wrote: It seriously bothers/upsets/infuriates me when someone treats a serious and diagnosed mental illness like it's nothing and it's just the sufferer's way of getting attention.
I feel the same way. There is a guy on Youtube named Shaycarl who promotes this "Just choose to be happy" philosphy, and I shake my head every time he goes into one of his speeches.
It's a nice idea, and it works for people, but the examples he uses go like this;
"Colette and I were driving back from Arizona, and it was 3 in the morning and we realized that we would only be able to get 3 hours of sleep once we reached L.A. And the kids were somehow awake in the back, and wouldn't go to sleep, and I also realized that we had left a suitcase back at a relatives house, and there was no way we could turn back for it. Instead of getting mad and fuming, she and I just said 'Oh well,' and played a game with the kids until they fell back to sleep. It kept us awake, it tired them out, and it kept us from feeling frustrated."
That's a great idea. It's nice to be able to do that.
But what he doesn't understand is that there are people, like me and like you KPepper, who can't. There was a time (over a decade) where I genuinely didn't know how to make myself happy. I remember moments of happiness with other people, but generally, I was a depressed, unhopeful, mentally unhealthy person. Even when I started to work myself out of that terrible black hole of a place, I got out and realized that I had no idea how to make myself feel happy. It takes work and effort, and for some people it is extremely hard.
It's exteremly hard when you have this tiny, repetative voice in your brain telling you that you not only can't be happy, but you don't deserve to be. You're not like other people, so you don't deserve what other people have. No matter what you do, you haven't done enough to deserve anything that gives you joy, or pleasure, or relief.
And even when you begin to ignore that voice, you begin to realize that it did more damage than just holding you back. All of your instincts to smile and maybe laugh are just gone. It took everything you had and left you with nothing. Nothing bad either, but it's still a completely blank slate.
It doesn't matter how many times you explain it to normal people either, because they don't really have the capacity to understand. They think you are over thinking it and over exaggerating for attention. And sometimes that's just enough of a crack in your self esteem to let that little voice back in and start the cycle all over again. Especially if there is no one around you who is willing to believe you.
I am able to slog through and endure my depression without meds (they tried and it made me worse when I was younger), but I have a cousin who is only 20, and he and his doctor know that he is probably going to be on medication his entire life. His family doesn't really understand, and they are the type of people who love to tease and push buttons. But depression runs in my mother's side of the family, so he spends a lot of time here, where he knows he'll be understood.
I wish you luck, KPepper, I really do. I hope one day you'll get to a point where it no longer runs your life. It's hard, and it sucks. Please don't give up.
