Does anyone else feel like they have to put on a fake face around the family they grew up with? I would say that when I was a kid I just lucked out and had a family that let me be who I wanted, but really I think it was more to do with the fact that I was morally in sync with my family then. Now I am in a gay relationship, I am no longer an Evengelical Christian, I don't like just sitting around watching TV, and I like to spend my time off work with a beach ball full of water strapped to my stomach (the jerks for not approving of that last one ?). But I have to pretend I am who I was in high school, even though I am out to all of them, because they don't like who I am otherwise. They are uncomfortable, or they think I'm wrong, or Mom thinks she failed as a parent. I can't even talk to her about sex or relationship advice because she isn't ok with homosexuals and thinks sex before marriage is a close 3rd most abominable act behind being gay and murder! Idk why I spend so much time with them, it just stresses me out. It stresses my boyfriend out, too, and it makes me hate the holidays because it means I have the option to be stressed out with them, cross the country to be with my boyfriend's family (who love the shot out of me) and deal with the fall out of not spending time with my family, or be alone... I can't be the only person who feels like this.
(01-01-2019, 03:07 PM)Dadmom Wrote: [ -> ]Does anyone else feel like they have to put on a fake face around the family they grew up with? I would say that when I was a kid I just lucked out and had a family that let me be who I wanted, but really I think it was more to do with the fact that I was morally in sync with my family then. Now I am in a gay relationship, I am no longer an Evengelical Christian, I don't like just sitting around watching TV, and I like to spend my time off work with a beach ball full of water strapped to my stomach (the jerks for not approving of that last one ?). But I have to pretend I am who I was in high school, even though I am out to all of them, because they don't like who I am otherwise. They are uncomfortable, or they think I'm wrong, or Mom thinks she failed as a parent. I can't even talk to her about sex or relationship advice because she isn't ok with homosexuals and thinks sex before marriage is a close 3rd most abominable act behind being gay and murder! Idk why I spend so much time with them, it just stresses me out. It stresses my boyfriend out, too, and it makes me hate the holidays because it means I have the option to be stressed out with them, cross the country to be with my boyfriend's family (who love the shot out of me) and deal with the fall out of not spending time with my family, or be alone... I can't be the only person who feels like this.
You definitely aren’t alone. I come from a very similar family. However I’ve learned to limit the amount of time I spend with them and try to focus on my happiness. They think they’re setting a good Christian example by being so judgmental. In truth they are only refusing to explore and understand something they don’t understand. Fear causes people to do very hurtful things. Never stop loving them but don’t feel bad if you have to cut them off at times to preserve yourself. ((Hugs))
I have to fake it around my family cause most them have "great jobs", "better stuff" and have had children of their own. so I don't even bring up being BI let alone mpreg cause that would be another thing to look down upon me.
I consider myself pretty lucky when it comes to family. My parents are fine with me. Being quite an introverted person in real life, they're all too familiar with my quirks. Neither of them are aware of my belly/pregnancy fetish though - which I know would surprise them.
I have an interesting relationship with my (older) brother. I do genuinely like him and he does like me...but in a rather odd way where he sees me as a bit of a 'joke' rather than someone who he likes to be with whenever we meet up (as we live 200+ miles apart). I think he likes me in relatively short doses and that's it. It's hard to explain this in words. It's something you'd have to witness for yourself to really understand.
I do have a distant cousin who, online, had a bit of a falling out with me a few years ago and we've not spoken or communicated with each other in any other way since - and I'm fine with that. He's already well known to be quite the 'black sheep' of the family and has fallen out with plenty of other relatives over the years and I was amongst the last few he was still in touch with. I've not taken it personally. It's just disappointing that despite giving him literally another 20 years-worth of time over other relatives, he's pulled the same 'trick' on me. Oh well...
Where I feel I have to put on a 'fake face' is at work. I have several colleagues who back-stab me or talk about me behind my back. I just have to put on a brave face and continue to be as polite and mutual to them as I possibly can for professional reasons. I'm almost the least social person out of all of them so when I'm quite happy to stay in not go out, they often take it as some personal insult which it really isn't. I just like my own free time and my own space.
This is a tricky one ... for some background, I was tentatively diagnosed as being on the spectrum in my mid-late 20s. Prior to that, I was just that weird kid that most of my peers couldn't stand. A lot of bullying as a kid, plus varying levels of abuse in adulthood, brought me to the conclusion that no matter where I am or whom I'm with, there's always something I (have to? need to? prefer to?) hide. Some facets around family, some around work, some around friends, some around online friends ... and I'm just sorta used to it, I guess? Or at least, resigned to the fact that no one is obligated to accept all of me, so I might as well offer them the parts they like.
After all, persona is just an old Greek word for "mask."