[SilentFeather]

Jayde had become accustomed to her role as submssive, fitting and adapting to the such change of pace pretty well.

She and her new-editioned Becca were lounging on the mattress of the main bedroom, the same room she experienced her first raping by the such woman in, and although she had vividly nightmares of the location she simply endured, curling up in her arms as she was spooned from behind.

As the movie ended, Jayde met Becca's eyes as she was directed to do so non-verbally. By now, although autistic, Jayde had learned to read her new Mistress quite well, and although eye-contact itself was a rather hardshipped skill to master, she was doing such quite well. What she heard Becca speak tugged at her heartstrings, causing her to become quite conflicted, both with herself, her choices, and point of action.

She felt an urge to break into tears, to sob her very voicebox hoarse, but she swallowed, and although her throat and mouth became dry as a desert. "I .. understand Becca. I mean it was much of an inconvenience .. wait? .. Brandon .. you know his name? .." Her voice became unsure, more quivering like, as fear engulfed her. Her breath seemed to become picked up, and within an instant she became stiff, quiver-riddled and a gasping mess. Her eyes were lowered, staring down at her own hand, now directed to her belly as if instinctually, not noticing that she let it drift there.

"Becca .. c-can I please birth the child and then give it to an adoption agency? I promise to go into the bathroom and do it alone if it means it doesn't die. We can start over .. without him or her to get in our way. I promise to .. just dont make me do this .. dont make me have an abortion .. please .. I do not wish to be in there with doctors who barely know me and have them take tools to extinguish a life .. especially, an innocent one barely to begin theirs .. I beg of you .." Her voice was soft as well, sincere, and heavy with shameful regret, almost a mere step close to sobbing. She tended to be over-emotional, aggressive-driven and paranoid, not to mention behavioral problemed that landed her in hospitals and pysch wards but right now she was within the realm of rational, or rather how the very word was meant to consist of.

She tuned over, grunting softly with effort as her belly was a slightness larger than the time before, weighing her down a bit and adding to the mass of the already large Queen sized bed. She exhaled a breathy whoosh of air, appearing sigh like, she felt a bit more nauseous and achy-riddled that seemed to be unfathomably origined within the depths of her very sponge-squishy bonemarrow, cursing softly beneath her next few breaths as an effort to endure such maternal hardship, and at such a young age. "Shit .. ugh .."

She was now facing Becca, and reaching out without thought she took the hand closest to her, exhaling a breath with a closing of her eyes, knowing that she was risking being Becca's punching bag again by her drastic choice of actions but she just wished to be heard out, to be understood, after all .. a life was on the life.

An innocent, dependent life.

"Please Becca, listen to me, babe, alright. Will you do that?" She opened her eyes, her brown hues met Becca's own, and swallowing with the same difficulty she risked it all .. explaining her emotions in the shortest way possible to get though the tough exterior of her girlfriend's iced over heart. "Look .. I know I was selfish in my actions, I know I do not deserve your pity, or rather any of it but I want you to know that I am sorry, I am .. sorry for all of this, of what agony I caused you, I was selfish .. so selfish .. so .. self-absorbed by my own jealousy, so consumed by an urge to get back at you that I lost sight of your affections for me, your trust I have broken, shattered it beyond repair to a point of where you can barely distinguish piece from piece anymore to piece it back together. I try to fix what has been fractured, to make it what is was, well .. of what once was .. but I fail each time. I do not deserve to be forgiven, I am aware of that, vividly aware after what has happened. But I want you to know I do love ya and you are everything to me .. everything. If I could rewrite time itself and redirect my actions .. I would .. in a heartbeat. Never doubt that. But ill do it .. ill do the abortion. It is not yours anyway so yeah .."

She arose from the bed, slowly letting her hand and it's fingertips depart from Becca's own, refusing to meet her eyes as it was much too unbearable. "I will wash up, Becca. I will try not to take too long. I will plan the visit to the abortion doctor in a few days. I promise .." She turned around, expressing a smile to Becca, but it did not reach it's ears as it normally would. She was wearing a black tanktop and long black pajamas with pink hearts riddled upon it's legs, and black and pink matching ankle socks that Becca gave to her on their third date. She cherished the articles of clothing deeply, felt connected to the girl with all that was given to her by her. Becca, the girl who stole her very breath, gained her curiosity from the first time she passed her in the halls of hghschool with a short dress that caught many a man's eye but it was Jayde whom she chose over them all.

. . .

Jayde was always the quiet type of lady, shy and withdrawn, always preferring to be in the corners, always either gaining detention from playing her ipod (a buddy of hers in tough times), or getting in arguments with the bullies of her school whom tortured her since childhood, Becca would always follow her to cheer her up when she bolted away crying from the cruel taunts. When the taunts became physical Jayde would either skip school or try to stay hidden until the bullies passed by in the hallway by immersing herself within the crowd of other students, becoming her persona "Jay". She became aroused by the woman in the pink skirt and soon she became more confident to face her, then after a few encounters they became official girlfriend and girlfriend. Soon one night, when all was quiet in the apartment Jayde revealed a secret to Becca, both sitting on the bed across from eachother indian styled, hands clasped with eachother's. "Becca .. I have something to tell ya .. um .. it is kinda hard to tell ya but .. can you be my girlfriend? I .. I know im a spazz but I want you to know that I am that way because I am .. autistic and .. even though I am I am capable of love, and I have .. fallen .. terribly .. madly .. and sincerely in love .. with .. y-you .."

She opened her tightly clenched eyes, breathing fast, swallowing from time to time, trying to recover with her eyes.

- - -

As Jayde reminesced, she felt her smile widen, not noticing that Becca was watching her from her position of laying upon the bed.