Victor pressed his lips together as his mind worked to fill in the blanks as much he could, he rubbed his thumb over his cheek now and tilted his head some,"I have breasts."He mentioned and laid his own head on the pillow as the other used his lap as one,"Only pregnant male carriers develop breasts... If I wasn't already pregnant before then how are they like this?" He didn't want to sound as if he was accusing Caesar, but he just wanted these holes in his mind to be filled, he wanted to remember.
Caesar raised himself up and gazed on Victor. "What are you trying to say? That you might be pregnant before.... like... when we consummated? I always thought.... that carriwrs just ... developed it. I didnt know..... what? So you could have our baby somewhere before our wedding? Gosh...." caesar was half impressed by his own acting, portraying himself as an innocent and unknowing husband.
The older man continued to lay himself down beneath Caesar as he watched the emotions play out on his face, he had seen liars before and he prayed that his husband wouldn't do this to him. He could see through it, almost as if he's known him longer than he actually had and he sat up on his elbows,"Stop it."He said and shook his head, sitting up fully now,"Just stop."He told him with a frown on his face,"You're a horrible liar."
The simple word quieted Caesar. He lowered his head and played with his nails. He had run out of ways to cover it up now. He finally gathered his courage and braved Victo4's eyes. "I dont know how to make this more acceptable. I can only tell you this. We dont have any children so far." He closed his eyes to hide the desperate tears threatening to overflow. Amidst the awkward silence, he stood up and started packing. "I guess this is ruined now. Let's go."
Victor watched as Caesar still refused to tell him the truth,"It couldn't be that horrible, could it?"He asked him gently and held onto his arm, tilting his head some as they made eye contact,"Caesar-"He sighed and watched as his huband got up to his feet and simply shook his head as he crossed his arms,"No. I'm not ready to go yet."
Caesar almost broke down right in front of Victor. He had been th3 one clinging onto their rrlationship, he had been the one who insisted on marrying Victor, despite his father's heavy hinting. He had been the one falling head over heels for Victor, almost right from the start if he would admit it. Now to hear Victor finally showing some insistence over this picnic had a great impact on Caesar, who had for a split second felt the world had crumbled when Victor no longer buy his story and he felt everything would be retirned to how it was just one month before.
"Please?"He asked of him gently and patted the sheet below him again,"Sit down, let's talk about it."He pleaded gently, then reached up for his hand carefully,"We still have so much food to eat."He insisted and crossed his legs as he awaited a reply, any time now,"I don't want this to become a argument, something so petty as to what happened in the past."
Caesar lookrd at Victor and sighed. "Yea, it's just something petty." He buried his face in his palm as he sat back down beside Victor. His tears finally breaking through and dropped down between hsi fingers, crying.like a child. In a suppressed voice, almost whimper, he asaid between.sobs. "can we... can we not talk about this at all? Like... not ever... just leave it behind us?"
Victor didn't understand Caesar, once he was up and ready to simply disappear and the next he was crying, if he didn't know any better he would have sworn his husband was the carrier in this relationship. The soldier watched him as he trembled with sobs and sighed as he reached to push his hair away from his face. He was like a man child, he thought and frowned a bit as he nodded some,"Yes. Alright, it's okay."He said and held his wrist, rubbing the back of his hand with his thumb.
Caesar was calmed a lot by Victor's rubbing. He continued with his hiccups as he looked up at Victor with puffy, swollen eyes, which made his solemn face looked hedious. He nodded slowly, half relieved for getting the promise ftom Frank. With his soldier's honor, it would be unlikely for him.to break his promise. He laid back down on Victor's lap, relaxing.as he loiked.up at the sky, breathing in yhe fresh air of countryside. "My eyes are now all swollen.... arggh those ladies must fuss over me endlessly...." he said with a pout.
He wasn't sure if Caesar was a fine actor or topic actually brought him pain to think about, the first would mean that he was actually keeping things from him and that he was some sort of con... The lader meant that something horrible had come to them and he just lacked the capability to remember and his husband was still keeping things from him. He hated either option and held him as he complained, the older man had went silent and made himself remember to ask his father about Caesar when they got home.
Caesar closed his eyes. He knew the first crack in the facade had appeared. He could only hope he had had strengthened their relationship enough to withhold it for longer. He nuzzled himself into Victor's belly, never had he wished therr's a new life growing within as much befotr, and he hoped that the new child might help in bringing them together when this false world finally crumbled. "Vic... you know I love you right? Do you love me?" He asked with pleading and puffy eyes.
Victor skimmed his fingers on his lovers wet cheeks, drying them gently with his thumb then pushing his hair back away from his face. He wasn't sure why he felt so...odd when the other paid attention to his middle, almost as if everything was a mask. Then he heard Caesar speak again and met his eyes, he had been staring off into the distance then,"Yes."He replied with a nod and ran his fingers on the bottom of his chin before rubbing his lower lip with his thumb. "I do."He nodded slightly and leaned down to steal a kiss from him softly, despite being upside down.
Caesar smiled a bit. What he heard had him cheered up a bit. He hoped that could at lesst give him some leverage when the truth came out. Hw kissed deeply yet lovingly at Victor, conveying all his love to him. He had his arms around his neck, pu-ing him down to deepen it. He smiled at the respond he was getting, gradually lost in the tangle of their tongues.
That was the last conversation they had about the past, just like Caesar wanted, though the next day they were home and that simply brought more questions than answers. As Victor took his first look around since the accident, no one was there, no one that he knew and he was beginning to miss his father. It had been a month long honeymoon and he hasn't heard much from his own side of the family, all he heard about was Caesar and his father who stared him down everytime he walked past. He missed having time alone or even with other people, he felt as if their family was breathing down his throat in a way he couldn't escape. Caesar had a hold on him like a noose and the more he struggled the tighter it got.
The morning after next was something oddly familiar, he had slipped out of the bed as noiselessly as he could to stumble into the bathroom and collapse in front of the toilet. Last night's dinner came up and he threw up into the bowl, trying his best not to wake his husband when he did.
Caesar had been quite antsy and to be honest, he could feel how Victor was getting more agitated by the day when his control over his husband's life tightened. The close surveillance tired himself as well, but he just couldnt quite control his urge. The moment the retching sound reached him, he got startled awake. He sat up hopefully, rubbing his face to clear his still muddled mind, and slipped down to find Victor. It had been almost 2 weeeks since thr first of the vomitting began, and today he's determined to find a doctor for Victor, hoping for some good news.
The soldier sat on his knees in front of the toilet bowl and groaned lightly as he rested against it, dry heaving and spitting when there was nothing left. He sat back on the balls of his feet and rested his head on his hand,"I think I may be sick."He murmured, wiping his mouth with his long sleeved shirt and turning slightly to look at Caesar, he didn't remember being pregnant so he had no idea what was happening to him.
Caesar sat down beside and offered some water. He got a cool towel to.wipe on Victor's face to make him feel more refreshed as well. "I will be calling a doctor today. You really should get checked out.... and it might be something that surprises you." Caesar added, unable to stop himself from th3 hinting.
With Victor more or less settled after another round of throwing up during breakfast, their family doctor had arrived. He was led into their bedroom, getting informed of the soldier's peculuar situation before he was allowed in.
Frank wasn't sure what Caesar was hinting at, he hadn't been thinking about bringing children into whatever he and his husband had going on between them. Though with the doctor's visit after breakfast, he looked at Caesar in a way the other hadn't seen him before as he stayed silent for a moment as he approached. Then looked away out of the window, everything was so big here, not that his own home wasn't grand, it was just filled with a lot more...real love than this place. He pressed his lips together simply, he had known what was wrong with him now.
(Is it Victor consider his own home to be filled with more love than Caesar's? LOL sorry for not getting that part. I thought Victor's father had been a manipulative bastard.)
Caesar was thriiled. He had suspected as much but receiving the confirmation of the doctor had him over the moon. He almost leapt up and hugged his husband tight, exclaiming "i am going to be a father! Oh thanks Frank!" He kissed him loudly on his cheek and went around telling all passing servants that he's going to be a father, dancing around, rushing.out to get to his father. He couldbt wait to share this good news with the governor.