[Kilix]

Okay, I gotta' be honest; I've been really, really shocked at how many people I've run into on this site that feel sexual orientation and/or gender identity are choices. It's not that often my conversations with people both in the forums and in messages have involved the question, but a vast majority of those I have discussed it with from here seem to all be of the opinion that it is a choice, and not something inherit either at birth or instilled before we're conscious and fully cognitive yet. Am I just running into all the wrong people, or is this actually the consensus on this site?

[TheKicking]

Hell no! I don't feel that it is a choice at all! People are born with instincts and sexual orientation is a part of that.

I always find it incredible that there are some people out there who believe that a person will just wake up one day and decide that they are gay. Or that they were thinking about it really, really hard, and came up with the conclusion that they no longer wanted their penis or vagina. This person had this sexual instinct or appendage for how many years, and then one day decided that it wasn't good enough? Really?

I mean, maybe they did wake up and have that revelation, but I can't believe that they never thought about the possibility before, or had urges that they couldn't explain.

I'm not saying that there is absolutely no choice in the matter of sexual lifestyle. A person always has the choice of whether or not to give into their innate urges and feelings. People always have the chance of changing their minds. Some people lean one way in their youth, but go a different way when they are older; David Bowie did. And people always have the choice of turning away or conforming.

Honestly, if it was all choice, then being gay would have been outlawed a long time ago. And if there wasn't any choice involved, then pedophiles and rapists wouldn't be put on trial.

I guess my bottom line is that people can't help how they feel-- but they can always choose what they do with those feelings.

EDIT:

I also want to clarify that when it comes to choice, I believe that people should do what is best for them. Conformation and denial are often extremely hurtful and damaging to an individual. It can lead to resentment, and in some cases, mental issues, and I'm not just talking about low self esteem. There is a good reason why people on TV and in movies use the phrase "I need to get this off my chest" when they come out-- it's often a relief.

That doesn't mean that some people don't function better in the closet. But that's really up to them. I don't think it's right for one person to force a lifestyle choice on another.

You can always make the choice to be open minded and open armed. To me, sexual orientation is no different from skin color or birth country. It comes with the whole package.

[Faunus]

I think it's usually not a choice. (Seriously, wait til I get to my fanaticism on genetics...) I don't think it's relevant, but it was kinda trendy when I was in high school to say "I'm bi" but thankfully not EVERYONE is bi anymore. I only say that because a lot of girls admitted they were going out of their comfort zone to seem more attractive to men who like lesbian activity they can get in on. BUT YA... ;P In reality a -lot- of people are not just experimentally bi, though, but genuinely struggle with sexual identity and sexual attraction, and drawing a line. My advice is... don't draw a line, just let it be, you were born who you are after all! :) Sex is not black or white, it's on a sliding scale... actually, it's more like a color wheel, with a person falling anywhere in between the ranges. I can't stand that people don't take genetics seriously.... or just think they are amazing! Like my aunt, who bought a puppy. She thought he would herd her mini horses with her collie and shepherd. He was a 50/50 Pyrenees/Retriever and spent all day taking over our kiddie pool, and never once chased a horse. She was... surprised? Why do you think dog breeds were BRED? Genetics!

Um... and not like I'm complaining but bisphenol-a could be responsible for triggering developmental anomalies in the brain during childhood. Gayness is increasing, but that could be more people feel comfortable exploring their boundaries in a more understanding and tolerant society... who knows!

I also just advocate, if someone is "meh" towards both genders, or more attracted to women, but wants to find it in themselves to fuck their guy friend because he isn't understood by women, POWER TO HIM. I had potential to like girls, (emotional crushes and more before puberty for some reason) but after puberty didn't have sexual crushes on girls until I let myself be kissed by one. Then I fell in love and it was like floodgates to a new part of my brain had been opened. (felt really cool!) But was it a choice? I'd say it was more of an awakening, but it was a choice to let it happen. So what? I think it's okay that everyone has a unique sexual journey.

[darkfanboy]

I'll preface this with my usual devil's advocacy. Everything we do is a choice. Now, before anyone explodes, what I mean by this is simply we can embrace or deny who we are. Though I don't believe my self to be gay in the traditional sense, I do find some men attractive. However, even if I were to choose to become a true transgender I would still feel the need to be with a woman. And I think I'm still caught somewhere in between because I would severely miss me bits. I think its a tough choice to admit who you really are, and then embrace it wholly. Many people truly wind up sick to death of who they are and can't live with it. I had an mpreg friend when I first joined the Pregnantmen Yahoo!Group way back when that excused himself from our circle because he almost left his fiance to be with a man who wanted him to be something more. I dearly miss him and hope that all is well in his life, but know that he made a choice. Though I cannot say it was right or wrong it was his to make.

[Faunus]

I'll preface this with my usual devil's advocacy. Everything we do is a choice. Now, before anyone explodes, what I mean by this is simply we can embrace or deny who we are. Though I don't believe my self to be gay in the traditional sense, I do find some men attractive. However, even if I were to choose to become a true transgender I would still feel the need to be with a woman.

Ah, so you'd be predominantly "genderqueer." I would definitely fall into that category, too. I think it's rediculous that the transgender community sometimes criticizes people who sexually pursue the gender they identify with. So if a person "chooses" to go from physically heterosexual to physically gay, are they being posers or lying to themselves? My point is, if a gay man is happy to be a man, then is he a poser? Or do all men have to wish they are women if they are gay? I support that you and anyone else, has the right to be what you are, and agree with you, that we are given complete power over what we chose to do about what we are. The problem is, finding out who we really are is a long journey, and that journey is riddled with hasty decisions/conclusions. So many of us probably wonder, "what if?" I really feel sorry for that friend you are talking about.

Editing in here: I conclude that for many it is definitely not a choice, and it's related to genetics or anomalies. However when people so adamantly say "NO! It's never a choice" seems... insecure to me. Do people really need a cushion like "I can't help it!" to "justify" being gay/bi? WHO. FREAKING. CARES. Let homophobes sh*t their pants with rage, lol. The Human race will evolve past them.

[TheKicking]

Lol, I agree. Doesn't Eddie Izzard always say that he's a lesbian trapped in a man's body?

[Faunus]

Lol, I agree. Doesn't Eddie Izzard always say that he's a lesbian trapped in a man's body?

"Eeeeexecutive transvestite!" LOL Good call on that! yeah, the term "male lesbians" gets me laughing, but the real amusing part is, it's legit.

[darkfanboy]

It is indeed a very tough choice, had I not met my wife and endured the joys and tragedies we have... I can't say where I would be. I can't say for sure what is and isn't about sexuality. Nurture versus nature has always been a favorite topic of mine, especially regarding depression. My wife's mother is bi-polar manic, so in theory this could be passed on. My wife has always shown signs of severe depression but not bi-polar. I've never felt pr thought of myself as depressed, repressed certainly. After the loss of my son though I have no end of trouble with it. Even after two and a half years I still have trouble, but depression is not a family thing. Though not directly linked to homosexuality or gender dysphoria, I wonder if things went another way without my wife would the depression naturally set in. Especially if I denied myself the reality of who I am. Sadly I've lost track of time and tangent. I will try to pick this up later.

[Visser5]

Ehhhhh, my answer might pale in comparison to those above me in how short it is, but here goes;
I can't help but feel that most of this is very subjective. Like in my case, [with no regard to how cliche it sounds] the best way to explain my gender identity is as Lady Gaga so sang, "I was born this way"..
That being said, I am also a firm believer that the element of "nurture" has the potential to be just as much a deciding factor as "nature". Take the people that have some type of experience that later manifests itself as a new interest/habit/mannerism that they didn't have before said experience.
And even sometimes its a mixture of both...
But that's just me.. :P
By the way, THANK YOU, JESSE.

I guess my bottom line is that people can't help how they feel-- but they can always choose what they do with those feelings.

[Goddess]

I keep wanting to reply to this but my answer would be pages and pages.

Maybe I'll try to sum up...

I instigated and desired sex (and more) with other girls for years and years before it even crossed my mind that there was a word for what I was doing or what I was. (It's harder to explain my feelings for boys growing up...I definitely liked them, though, but mostly just in relation to mpreg LOL). There are two distinct times I remember being conscious of my actions being "wrong" but mostly it was just something I wanted and so I did it. I had no intention to be rebellious or naughty or something and I had no idea men thought two women together was sexy or whatnot.

I was raised very religious and was always taught that gay people were doing evil and I even got in arguments with people about how being gay was a choice and they should stop sinning, all the while I was doing it myself. I guess I just compartmentalized it.

My point is that it was so innate and instinctual from such a young age, even KNOWING that it was "wrong" and even being taught on a regular basis that it was sinful and that it was a choice, I STILL did it almost unconsciously.

I still wanted a relationship with a man and so I dated my boyfriend Matt, but it wasn't until I met my husband that I felt a real love and lust for a man in the way I felt it for girls. (I'm not saying I'm lesbian, though, because I don't know what the hell I am)

Then, there was a big huge crazy twist in my story.

After giving birth to my son my personality completely changed. I started to enjoy things like clothes shopping, dressing up, buying shoes, doing my hair, being trendy, doing my make up on a regular basis, even my taste in music shifted.
And at the same time my interest in men shot straight up and my interest in women faded significantly.

I started to see men as sexual and enticing where before I'd only seen the male body as kind of weird and interesting lol.

I know this sounds totally strange, and I can only assume it's some bizarre hormonal shift from pregnancy or something. Maybe this type of shift is only possible in people who have tendencies toward both male and female??

I have asked several people about this and nobody so far has experienced it, except, actually my friend had a little girl and she said her interest in women got way more intense after giving birth. So, her experience was exactly the opposite of mine. I'd like to talk to someone who understands how the body works regarding all that weirdness, or maybe just find someone who has had such a big change like that. I'm afraid I'll seem like a liar or something, especially since I've now realized a lot of girls call themselves bisexual when they're young and then "grow out of it."

I started to think my interest in women was totally gone, but I have this friend who I'm crushing on pretty hard, so apparently it's not totally gone LOL.

My point is that this experience has proved even more to me that it's not my choice.

Neither of those experiences were a choice for me. I was just along for the ride.

I do agree though, that what you do with those feelings is a choice. For example, my mom's best friend was a virgin by choice until she was 47 years old.

There are Mormons I know (I was raised Mormon) who chose to only date the opposite sex even though they weren't attracted to them because they wanted to be "righteous."

They did it, but it didn't change any desires within them, and in my opinion it is harmful, especially being totally abstinent.