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Logan closed his eyes and brought his hand up to hold the others as he touched his face, he allowed the kiss and he even kissed back just a bit before relaxing again. "You're strange." He said and looked down again as he shook his head,"Why would you want a baby? We can't afford one and I can't raise one. I wouldn't be a good dad."
The blonde didn't object to being with Jaylen, he would like it, he'd like to have a boyfriend, a good man to call his own and who liked him just as much as he did in return. Their fingers intertwined and he kissed him again softly, moving to push him over and sit on his waist, looking down at him,"So you knock me up and find this to be a good thing?" He asked, leaning down again and sighing as he kissed him softly,"You're just happy you have a reason to latch onto me." He smiled,"Even if its as serious as having a kid together."
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Jaylen rubbed his hand up and down Logan's hip, their other hands still intertwined together "It's not a good thing, no... But it's also not the worst thing that's happened." Jaylen said quietly, smiling up at the shorter man as he sat on his waist.
"I know we can't afford to have a kid, but I also... I don't think I could ever just kill one outright like that." Jaylen said quietly, sliding his hand underneath Logan's shirt and rubbing his flat stomach lightly "If it comes down to it, we can always think about putting it up for adoption..." Jaylen shrugged lightly and shifted his hips slightly "I just don't wanna kill it, Logan."
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Logan looked down and agreed with Jaylen, it wasn't such a horrible situation to be in, he was pregnant and Jaylen wasn't thinking about leaving him either. It would be the two of them and this baby, he felt nervous as he ran the thought through his mind again and again. He sighed and watched Jaylen touch the skin beneath his shirt, knowing thats where the baby had chosen to grow even though he was still just as skinny as ever before. "There's more to it than that too. Besides money, we're basically kids outselves. How the hell will we raise a kid if we keep it?"
He frowned just a little and shifted his weight as he climbed off of Jaylen,"I don't want to give it up either if we don't..." He didn't finish that sentence, knowing that when Tori had brought up the thought of abortion he had been so upset but now after telling Jaylen he might actually be considering it. "Why? Why would you want to bring something into the world that would be better off just not being born? It's totally not the best time for me to have a kid, even if you help. I don't even know you."
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Jaylen sighed and turned again to look at Logan, resting his hand on Logan's stomach and hip once again "People have been raising kids at our age for a long time now, Logan... I don't know how we'll do it - how *they* do it, but we will definitely figure it out as we go along." Jaylen said quietly, moving to once again be closer to Logan, fingers lightly caressing up and down the other's side.
Biting his lip, Jaylen shook his head "I don't even want to think about abortion, Logan. I mean... Adoption is always a better option, because that's giving a family who want kids, the chance to finally have their 'perfect family'." Jaylen said quietly and looked down at Logan's flat stomach "If we can't do it, if we aren't compatible... I would rather the kid be put up for adoption, that way at least *someone* can benefit from our mistakes." Jaylen looked up at Logan again and shrugged a shoulder "There is plenty of time to get to know each other, too."
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Logan shook his head,"That doesn't mean that I want to raise a kid this young. I'm barely done with my freshman year of college." He frowned and the more he thought about it the more he tried talking himself out of it as he laid with Jaylen, figuring it out wasn't exactly something he'd be okay with doing. It was a kid they were talking about, what if he messed it up? And what about his reputation and school? His throat tightened with fear once again as he looked at Jaylen,"I can't."
Why was Jaylen being so adamant? He had known about the pregnancy for just as long as he had, or just a little less and yet he was arguing for this life inside of him. His cheeks flushed and he looked down at the hand against his stomach, biting his own lip and tearing up once again as he sank down to bury his head in Jaylen's chest. He was silent as he tried to work it out in his mind, and listened to the other man's arguement, knowing he was right. Why was he always right?
"Okay." He said finally and he nodded, lifting his head to look up at Jaylen as he wrapped an arm around him in return,"We've got some time to think about all this. I can barely even be considered pregnant yet anyway." He looked back down again and he played with the fabric of Jaylen's shirt in his hand as he forced himself off of the topic and instead he asked,"I wasn't interrupting anything by calling you, was I?"
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Jaylen shook his head slowly as he laid back down on the bed, arms going behind his head as he stared up at Logan's ceiling "Nah, not really." he said quietly, thumbing a small scar that rested on the skin between his thumb and index finger "My mom and her current boyfriend was fighting, which ain't uncommon. Because of the fightin' it set the cops on them... then that set the baby cryin." he shrugged again and looked toward other things on Logan's walls "It's almost a daily occurrence, honestly."
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Logan sat up on the bed and folded his legs beneath him as he looked at Jaylen,"Sorry."He said quietly and he moved to rest a hand on the other's thigh briefly, shifting his weight on the bed and biting at his lip, looking at his face while he looked around his bedroom,"I wish we were similar."He said and he tilted his head a bit, "Y'know. I just... I wish things were better, for you and me." He didn't know why he had said it exactly, maybe to fill the quiet around them after such a serious discussion or maybe just to be speaking. The more and more he learned about Jaylen the more and more he didn't understand him. The blonde laid down again, he couldn't sit still, but he did rest with Jaylen for a little while,"Will you stay the night?"
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Jaylen finally turned his head to look at Logan again, nodding his head slowly "I'll stay as long as you want me too, or need me too." Jaylen said quietly. He turned onto his side again and moved closer to Logan, he pulled the shorter man down against his chest, arms secure around his shoulders and back "I'm here for you, Logan... You and this baby." Jaylen whispered and pressed a soft and tender kiss against Logan's forehead.
A sigh escaped him as he trailed his fingers up and down Logan's back slowly and soothingly, eyes roaming over the bedroom once again - or what he could see of it, anyway. "So, how long are your folks gonna be gone? Where did they go anyway?" Jaylen was worried about Logan being left alone, even for a few days - seeing how afraid Logan was, it was sending a fierce protectiveness through Jaylen that he really only felt toward his younger half-siblings.
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Logan laid with Jaylen, their bodies so comfortably close together, he loved the way he felt against his skin and the way he smelled, it felt like somewhere he belonged. He closed his eyes and laid with his head against the other's chest, his ear pressed against the thud of his heartbeat,"Our baby."He murmured sleepily, all the crying and emotions had tired him out, finally getting it all off of his chest relaxed him, unlike anything he could ever try himself. He needed another person to shoulder the weight of the world that was on him and Jaylen was that perfect person for him, at the kiss he looked up at the other slightly.
It didn't cross his mind that maybe he deserved something good in his life for once, he frowned and ran his fingers down the fabric of the other's shirt. Silent, as he listened to Jaylen, speak again and he shrugged,"I don't know. They went to Fiji or somewhere. Who knows how long they'll be gone." He replied,"They could be there a week, or a month, they never tell me anything..." His eyes closed again and he exhaled, almost slipping into a light sleep then and not stopping himself when he did.
He was right, his parents were gone for a while, little over a month which left them time to figure things out between each other. Being alone really brought things into perspective, Logan enjoyed his time with Jaylen and he felt bad for ignoring him for so long after their first night together. Logan was definitely not made of as much boyfriend material as Jaylen was, he already felt like he didn't deserve him the very time he woke up with him in the bed beside him. Or when he drove him places, like he was now, on their way to the clinic for the first time.
The blonde gnawed on his bottom lip as he sat in the passenger's seat, half curled up against the door, the skinny man was half buried in the large sweatshirt he had put on for the day. His yoga pant clad legs folded beneath him, he looked out the window, obviously nervous for the first time they would be getting a check-up,"You sure it's okay to just walk in? Don't people usually book appointments for this sort of thing?"He asked it wasn't his first time either, even if it said it explicitly on the website he couldn't swallow his nervousness.
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Jaylen sighed as he pulled into the parking lot where the clinic was - it was a small looking building, but Jaylen knew from personal experience that it was bigger inside than it looked on the outside. He found a close enough parking space and then killed the engine once parked. Turning to Logan, he reached out to squeeze the shorter man's ankle lightly "Babe.. C'mon. This is my uncle we're talking here... He'll take us, no questions asked - although, he might ask a lot of questions... But mostly about you, the baby, how you're doing and stuff... Not about us and our relationship."
Jaylen shook his head lightly and slapped Logan's leg lightly "Come on now, no more being afraid or nervous... The guy is an expert in his profession. He works in a free clinic for god sakes and barely makes any money, because he *wants* to be doing this for men and women who end up in sticky situations... Like we did." Jaylen pulled the keys from the ignition and reached into the backseat to grab a small backpack "No need to be nervous anymore, right?"
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Logan looked up at that small but imposing building and he heard his heart thudding in his ears as they parked in one of the plenty of spots in front of the place, he felt like his morning sickness was coming back as he stared at the place. The longish drive didn't help much in trying to get himself to relax either, it only seemed to make it worse. Though it was definitely just how he was working himself up. He looked back to Jaylen and he exhaled when his thigh was squeezed, silent when he listened to his boyfriends' reasoning and it made him feel slowly better. His hand went to the others and squeezed the warm fingers,"I know... I know, you've told me."He nodded at the repeated facts about Jaylen's uncle who would be taking care of him and the baby inside of him and looked down, still biting at his lower lip until it was a bright red color when he spoke,"Let's just get this over with." He let go of his hand and unbuckled himself, pushing open the door and stepping out.
The walk to the front doors allowed him to relax more, he looked back to Jaylen and reached to take his hand, squeezing it tightly as he stuck closely beside him. Wondering just how this appointment would be, they needed to get in and out before heading back into town for class, he intertwined their fingers as they stepped into the lobby of the nice looking clinic. It smelled clean and there weren't many people, but he did notice all the pregnant people and his heart started thumping again as he stepped closer to Jaylen,"I hate it here already."He muttered, it may have been nice, but he hated hospitals even if they were really, really nice and his boyfriends' uncle worked there or owned it or whatever, walking up to the desk counter he looked up expectantly at Jaylen.
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Jaylen smiled and rubbed his hand up and down Logan's hip as they moved to stand in front of the receptionist desk, he looked at the receptionist, a young girl he barely knew; it had been a while since coming to his uncle's clinic, since his mom was pregnant with his youngest brother "Hey... Karla." He had to read off of the girls' tag to know her name "So, I need to speak with my uncle - Is he currently busy?" Jaylen asked, glancing around the clinic - His uncle wasn't the only doctor that worked here, but his uncle did own the clinic.
Karla flipped through a small book briefly and then nodded her head "Yeah, he's available. He's in his office. I'll buzz you on back." She said with a smile, reaching under the desk so that the door would open up.
Jaylen tipped his head slightly and took up Logan's hand once again, guiding the other man from the lobby and down a series of hallways until he was standing in front of a heavy oak door that read 'Joseph Jones' on the gold name plate. Jaylen knocked a few times before letting himself and Logan into the room. Behind the desk sat a middle aged white male, black-rimmed glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose "Hey, Uncle Joe. How is it going?" Jaylen asked with a wide smile on his face "I know it's last minute, and sudden... but ah... my boyfriend and I have a bit of a problem that we *might* need your help with..."
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Logan looked to the opening door and he stuck close by Jaylen as he walked with him around the counter and through the automatic doors, his fingers intertwining with the others,"She's nice."He mentioned and looked around the hall as they walked down it, the clinic wasn't that busy at the moment since it was early in the day and also it might not be a time where there was a lot of pregnant people. As he walked with Jaylen and stopped before those big doors, they opened easily when his boyfriend turned the knob to reveal a large office space and a stranger sitting at the other end of the well-furnished room.
The smaller male exhaled when they were looked at and he glanced up at Jaylen when he spoke,"More than just a bit of a problem."He corrected and looked back to the stranger who smiled back at the both of them when he sat back in his chair.
"What is this problem?"He asked though it was quite obvious what it might be if the two of them were there in his clinic asking for his help,"If it's a pregnancy then it looks to me like you're right on time. Let me guess... You just found out? Morning sickness? The works?"He asked the short blonde man who hadn't let his eyes move from his gaze.
Logan bit at his lower lip again and nodded as he pressed his side against Jaylen's more,"Yeah, I even took a test, so we know for sure."He said, looking up to his boyfriend again and he shifted his weight from foot to foot.
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Jaylen wrapped his arm securely around Logan and walked further into the office, pushing the door shut behind him "We could really use the help, Uncle Joe. This isn't exactly something we were prepared for, or even ready for... We still *aren't* but we're at a loss on what to do, and..." he shrugged as he helped Logan into one chair, and then sank down into the other, holding his hand out so Logan could take it "We just need the help."
Joseph nodded his head as he slid his glasses off, folding them and setting them in the breast pocket of his white lab coat "I'll help you in anyway that I can. You know I will, Jay." Joseph said as he leaned forward on the heavy oak wood desk and looked right at Logan "I know this may come as a shock to you, son, but you have no reason to be afraid of me or the medical staff here at the clinic. We pride ourselves on autonomy when someone is in a situation such as yours. We don't charge, it's a completely free clinic and we will *never* bill your insurance company for these visits." Joseph reached into his desk and pulled out a packet of papers "You'll have to fill these out, even if you use all false information regarding your name and such, it's going to be okay, but medically relevant information that these papers request, I want you to be absolutely honest with them, okay?"
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Logan looked to Jaylen and he gave him his hand as they sat close together in the two leather chairs in front of the doctor's desk, he hadn't thought about how Jaylen was a black man and how his so-called uncle was white. Things happened, people switched around family relations all the time and maybe Joe was just a close friend of his boyfriend's parents and so he called him uncle. He didn't care though as he intertwined his fingers with the others and squeezed, they did need help with this and he knew this, that's why he let Jaylen talk him into coming here so early. It would be better to deal with this earlier than later and that was obvious too as he sat back.
His throat tightened as the oldest man in the room addressed him and he nodded, he had been told all of this but that didn't help with his fear of hospitals as he sat back,"How do you keep all of this up and running and so nice if it's all free?"He asked curiously, he was used to being charged an arm and a leg for the best so why would someone give good care to people who couldn't afford it? He looked down at the stake of paper and pulled the stake closer to look over them,"Okay." He started reading and took a pen from on top of the desk, glancing up to Jaylen slightly,"Is there anything he needs to sign? I mean... It took both of us to make the problem."
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"The clinic works on donations and sponsorships from several medical companies. But that's really not important, what's important is you and baby." Joseph said softly and comfortingly. A small smile graced his lips as he shook his head "He doesn't have to sign anything just yet. I already know most of his medical history as it is, but I'll be drawing his blood and running it for any genetic deformities that we have to worry about and look for in your unborn child." Joseph explained and looked at his nephew curiously, an eyebrow raised slightly.
Jaylen shrugged his shoulders and peeked over Logan's shoulder to read over some of the questions and answers that Logan was giving for them - mostly just curious. "You feeling any better about this, babe? I mean, I know it's still scary and all... but Joe is the best, like I've said. You've read his Yelp! reviews and everything... Everyone who has had him recommends him." Jaylen asked quietly, rubbing his hand up and down Logan's back softly. "Any questions or anything? I mean, you know he's only here to help... Answer everything you wanna know."
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12-02-2018, 02:07 AM
(This post was last modified: 12-02-2018, 02:08 AM by
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Logan felt his throat tighten at the doctors' mention of the being that was presently growing slowly within his baby sac and he swallowed weakly, Joseph was nice so far and he seemed to care about his well being as well as the kids well being too. He bit his lower lip and shook his head slightly,"We... We don't even think we're keeping it yet..."He mentioned quietly as he looked briefly up at Jaylen and then the doctor while flipping through the stack of information and scribbling down his information,"Does that change anything?"
He looked up at Jaylen again as he squeezed his hand firmly with a nod,"Yeah, I feel a little better. I just... I don't know about all this..."It was a commitment, from being Jaylen's boyfriend and having this little person growing inside of him that they made together and now they were planning on keeping that little person and raising it. He felt nervous once again as he thought about it and he looked down at the papers, exhaling and leaning into Jaylen's hand that rubbed his back. "It's scary to think about all of this and what we're going to go through.. What *I'm* going to go through."He sighed, biting his lip again.
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Joe shook his head at the question "It doesn't change anything, unless you're thinking of abortion. Which, knowing my nephew, he's probably already talked you out of that idea." At the nod from Jaylen, Joe cleared his throat and leaned a little further against the desk "If you're thinking of putting the baby up for adoption, then that doesn't change anything. We still have to make sure that the baby is developing properly, that you're gaining weight the proper way. We have to do all of that, not only for your sanity and peace of mind, but as well for the adoption agencies peace of mind, as well as any potential parents."
Jaylen knew of the fear that Logan was experiencing, as he too was clearly going through it. He took a steadying breath and then leaned over, pressing a gentle kiss against Logan's temple "Whatever decisions are made today and until that baby is born, we'll do it together, Logan." Jaylen whispered against the other's head, fingers still moving slowly against Logan's back "We still have a little while to think about everything, and no one is forcing us to make a decision right now at this very moment." Jaylen glanced at his uncle who was nodding his head in agreement, clearly he had seen several people who were going through this very situation "We'll get through this."
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Logan looked up to Jaylen and he rested a hand on his arm, bringing his hand down to the others fingers to intertwine them, knowing that for now they weren't sure about anything. Not even giving the baby up, but the more and more he thought about their situation the more he thought it wasn't a bad option, they wanted their kid to live and if it had to be with a better family then so be it. He nodded and squeezed the other mans hand firmly,"Okay... I... Is it possible to get a check up today? I think we were both kind of hoping that would be the case." He said and he leaned into Jaylen more as his other hand pressed against his back.
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