[Sam260]

Silas took several deep calming breaths when they were finally alone. His body was still shaking slightly and his hands were clenched into tight white-knuckled fists but slowly he was calming down and coming back to himself "I... I'm sorry..." Silas whispered and shook his head slowly.

He started unclenching his fists, one finger at a time, to relief the pressure and allow the blood to flow back into the digits "I don't... I don't know why... Why this happens... every time... I can't... cannot stand that it happens..." Silas was starting to flush with embarrassment, his face and neck reddening up as the seconds passed by.

[hockeypreg2]

"Don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong," Sidney said gently. He rubbed his hands over Silas's fingers, stretching them out and bending them. He hated seeing Silas upset like this and would do anything to make it better. He led him down the hall to his office so they could be alone. Getting him out of the situation was the least he could do.

"We can wait in here. I'm going to arrange it so we don't have to wait in the clinic. Nancy or Marc can buzz me and we can walk down to whichever exam room I'm supposed to be in. I work here. I can pull some strings to make you comfortable."

[Sam260]

Silas nodded and smiled weakly as he sat down in one of the chairs in front of Sidney's desk "I wish it weren't like that..." he rubbed a hand across the back of his neck, pushing his fingers into the tensed muscles to help loosen them back up again "And it only seems to get worse every time that I come to the clinic with you."

Silas frowned and looked down at his hands, turning them one way and then the other "I hate it..." he muttered, mostly to himself as he cracked his knuckles and slumped down in the chair, tilting his head back over the top edge of the leather chair.

[hockeypreg2]

"I know, baby," Sidney said, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. He wished he knew how to make it better for Silas. He ran his hands through Silas's hair, massaging his head as he thought about what they could do. "We know the clinic is the worst place and you're pretty much fine at the restaurant. Is it just when I'm with you? Do you think it is triggered more because of the babies?"

[Sam260]

Silas shrugged slowly "It's not just you - I freaked when I had to get uh... my...my... physical? For the donor thing... I almost left, but my name was called and I was standing and the nurse practically dragged me into the back before I had a chance to run..." Silas sighed and frowned deeply.

"I do not know what is the trigger to it... I wish I could figure it out, because it would be easier to possibly avoid it or work on ways to keep calm about it."

[hockeypreg2]

Sidney frowned as well, still running his fingers through Silas's hair soothingly. Before he could say anything, his phone buzzed. He reached over to grab it, keeping one hand on Silas as he talked.

"Okay, see you in a minute." Sidney hung up the phone and reached for Silas's hand. "Marc is ready for us." He pressed a kiss to Silas's knuckles. "I have to pee in a cup again. Will you be okay alone with Marc or do you want to come with me?"

[Sam260]

Silas stood up, still a bit uneasily as he looked down at Sidney. He inhaled shakily and nodded his head "I think... I think I will be okay with Marc... so long as he doesn't touch me." Silas said quietly, rubbing the back of his neck with his free hand.

They walked together down to the exam room, and immediately Silas was standing in the far corner near the bathroom door. He crossed his arms over his chest in his normal 'don't fuck with me' manner and glared daggers in Marc's direction - he did not even acknowledge the other man verbally, just glared - he looked like a rabid dog, ready to strike at any moment should he feel threatened.

[hockeypreg2]

Marc gave Sidney a hug, patting him on the back before separating and taking a good look at him. He shook his head and handed him the cup. "You are going to be enormous. I love it. Go pee in the cup so I can test your sugar." He looked over at Silas briefly but didn't even suggest he sit.

Sidney punched Marc lightly. "I'm telling your husband you said that. He likes me better then you anyway." He took the cup and went to Silas, squeezing his hand. "Are you sure? You can come with me."

Silas shook his head and Sidney sighed. He would just be as quick as possible. Silas looked like he was ready to run if Marc so much as said hello. Sidney wasn't sure if he was ever going to be able to get them together outside of the clinic at this rate.

Marc made a few notes, looking over at Silas occasionally as they waited. "Anything I should know that Sid might not remember to tell me?"

[Sam260]

Silas shook his head mutely, but his eyes softened slightly; he did like Marc, he just did not like the clinic - If they had met outside of the clinic, they would likely be okay. The conversation that Marc and Sidney shared ran through his mind and he contemplated, then decided rather quickly "I'd like to invite you and your husband... to my place for dinner... Possibly tomorrow?" Silas asked quietly, the Greek accent very strong for some reason as he spoke to Marc.

[hockeypreg2]

Marc's eyebrows raised at that, surprised. That was entirely unexpected. Silas seemed to relax a little as he offered and Marc wondered just what was going on. Sidney swore that he wasn't like this all the time and Marc knew that Sidney wasn't going to stay with someone who treated him poorly.

"I ... will have to ask him. We have kids. Can we bring kids?"

[Sam260]

Silas nodded and smiled, it was small but it was a step in the right direction. He eased his arms down, letting them lay lax at his sides "Absolutely. I would love to have all of you, your children and spouse, at my home - There is plenty of room, and perhaps your children could help us out with decorating the nursery... Once we find out what we are having."

Silas stood away from the wall, finally, and moved to sit in a chair, relaxing just a bit more "I... I want to... apologize for my earlier behaviors... I'm... not comfortable here... and we - Sid and I - cannot seem to pinpoint why it is exactly that I have panic attacks when I come to the clinic..."

He thought it would be okay to speak with Marc openly, he was a doctor after all, perhaps he had an idea or something that could help ease the panic attacks.

[hockeypreg2]

Sidney came back out holding the cup in a paper towel, surprised to see Silas sitting down and talking to Marc. He was definitely pleased but still surprised that Silas had taken that step. He smiled, setting the cup on the counter. "What are you talking about?"

Marc looked over at him. "Silas's panic attacks that seem to be centered on Silver Hills which is unfortunate since you'll be spending quite a bit of time here."

Sidney looked at Silas in surprise, sitting down next to him and reaching for his hand. "Do you have any ideas?"

"No. I think a therapist would help out more. I can give you a prescription for Xanax that you can take before coming here which should help you get through the visits at least."

[Sam260]

Silas coughed out a rough form of a laugh and shook his head "I will not see a therapist... The pills will do just fine..." Silas said, slipping his hand along Sidney's and capturing his boyfriend's fingers between his own "I also invited Marc and his family to dinner tomorrow... Perhaps to celebrate the twins, and finding out what we are having." Silas squeezed Sidney's hand lightly.

"Is that okay with you... if we have them over?"

[hockeypreg2]

"Of course they can come over," Sidney said, staring at him in shock. "Their kids are insane and there are four of them under the age of ten but yes of course they can come over." He looked over at Marc. "Did you tell him how many kids you had?"

"I was too surprised by the invitation to mention the number of children." Marc shrugged. "The youngest is still nursing so she barely counts as a child at this point." He waved a hand. "Enough about my children. How about we poke around at yours for a bit?"

[Sam260]

Silas chuckled - actually chuckled like a human being - and nodded his head "I would like to know... If we are having boys or not... I have a feeling about it." Silas said, standing up to help Sidney to his feet and over to the examination table.

He helped Sidney onto the table and lay him back, he grasped Sidney's hand and kissed his boyfriend on the lips, excitement shining in his eyes for the first time since arriving "I hope that they are boys... They will be good looking men, strong... Just like their dads."

[hockeypreg2]

Sidney tugged up his shirt, exposing his belly so Marc could examine him. He made a face as Marc pressed his hands all around, feeling the shape of his womb and the way the babies lay inside. He let out a squeak when Marc pressed down and hit his bladder. "I just peed and now I have to pee again."

"Good. That will make it easier to see," Marc said, still feeling around. "So you're clearly measuring big even for twins. We think you're between 18 and 20 weeks right now and normally a twin pregnancy would be measuring about a month ahead of that. You're more like two months ahead. You really are going to be big by the time you deliver. We're going to have to closely monitor the size of the babies because we might go a little early so they don't wreck you by the time they're born. With dad #2 being so big, it's a concern."

Sidney looked up at Silas, biting his lip. "We want them to be healthy."

"Sid, I have to balance all three of you," Marc said seriously as he started up the machine. "If we have to take these two a little early to keep you healthy, we will. You know that we have the best of everything here for the babies."

[Sam260]

Silas frowned heavily, his height and muscle mass was yet again a concern; his children took after him already in bone structure, it was unfair and he hated himself for it... He did not voice these opinions as he watched the back and forth between Marc and Sidney. His frown deepened of course, when he heard that the twins would likely come earlier than the intended forty weeks.

He laid his head close to Sidney's on the cot and watched as Marc set up the ultrasound machine "You are my main concern, Sidney..." Silas whispered, low enough that Marc would not hear - even in the small exam room - "Yes, I love our kids already... but I want you to be safe... I cannot get another one of you from the clinic." -- he hoped what he was saying made sense, but even in his mind it sounded weird, and he had no idea how to explain what he meant.

Yes, he wanted his children to be born happy and healthy... but Sidney was his world now, children or not - losing Sidney was not an option... They would always be able to try again should something happen to the twins, but Sidney being in danger of death... That pierced his heart like a knife and he could not think of losing the man he had come to love so deeply.

[hockeypreg2]

"Silas..." Sidney turned his head to kiss him softly. He reached up to cup his cheek, wondering if it was possible to love this man even more than he already did. "Marc will keep us all safe. I won't ever leave you."

Marc squirted gel on Sidney's belly, pretending he couldn't hear everything they were saying to each other. He moved the wand around until he found the first twin. "Oh hello there twin A. Where is your sibling - oh there you are twin B. You were hiding there."

Sidney craned his head to look at the screen. His eyes widened at the sight of two actual babies on the monitor. They had hands and feet and faces and oh my god.

Marc grinned and pushed slightly with the wand. "I can definitely tell what twin A is. Twin B is hiding behind A. Want to know what at least one is while I try and scootch your babies around?"

[Sam260]

Silas nodded and set his free hand close to Sidney's stomach; he knew how - exactly - to get his babies to squirm like little worms, once they had first felt fetal movement about a week ago. Silas did everything he could to get them to move more, and they learned the trick after a few attempts "We would, yes... like to know what the baby is..."

"And, if you cannot get them to move... I know one of the ways in getting our little ones to squirm about..." Silas said with a proud smile as he rubbed his thumb against the side of Sidney's stomach lightly - he did not look nearly as shocked about what was on the ultrasound machine monitor, simply because they just looked grey-ish lines to him still... He was not skilled in this like Marc and Sidney were.

[hockeypreg2]

Marc grinned as twin A squirmed towards Silas's hand, leaving their sibling exposed. "Nice job. I can definitely see now that you are having ... " he looked between them. "Boys. Congratulations that's two penises on two big, strong looking babies. They're much easier to clean when they shit everywhere. Trust me."

Sidney laughed at that, tears pricking at his eyes. He'd seen Marc's girls have blowouts so he knew what he meant but that got pushed back pretty quickly knowing that he and Silas were going to have two little boys of their own. He pulled Silas down towards him, wrapping his arms around Silas's neck and hugging him tightly. "Boys! You were right."