"B...But i...." he whimpers loudly "Because of me... you killed people" he says finally telling him "How can i forgive myself for goading you into doing that!? Nothing is worth that!" he starts to beat his fist on his leg where he had cut himself, unable to do more cutting this was the closest he could get to causing himself harm and pain.
Eric's expression weakened though he glanced down at the ground. So...that's what happened. Looking up he noticed Merin pounding on their leg an he gave a sigh. Reaching forward to stop em.
"Merin....it's...not the first time that's happened....there's more to the story of how I first change then...you think." Eric said, his voice sounding shameful.
"But i... i... i used my abilities to...to coax you into doing it" he says and whimpers when he realizes Eric had grabbed his hand and he relaxes his hand, his fist unfolding.
"Yes well..you're not the only one who's done that." Eric replied as he released Merin's paw. "The people came back the day after I changed. They wanted me to fix the serum so it would work, I kept refusing and someone had a alakazam with em. Well they had them go into my head but what they got was....a rampaging monster....that didn't spare anyone that got close....so really....it's been triggered like that before..."
he whimpers and nods slowly "But... you've never eaten anyone before... have you?" he says looking to him "I didnt want to tell you about it but... thats what you did... in that rage state... and the noise... the smells... i cant get them out of my head"
Hearing that made Eric's stomach turn and he almost felt ready to hurl again. However he forced himself to ignore the feeling and he gave a shaky sigh.
"I don't know if I fully devoured those fools but....when i can too....I was dyed red from head to toe in blood....so...maybe I did....I don't remember." Eric answered.
"I...im sorry" he says slowly "i never intended for... any of ot to happen"
"I meant the first time, not this time." Eric said. "It's okay, it's not your fault."
Rubbing his hands together nervously, he could feel the short black fur of his hand against the other.
"Truthfully, I am grateful for you helping me." Eric added. "You have no reason to be sorry. Honestly me attacking someone like that is....inevitable..."
He looks to eric trying to compose himself a little "did anything we do help?" He asks softly
"I'm not sure yet." Eric said. "I'm hoping it is but I'm just not sure yet. With how my body is still freaking out from the previous days, it's really hard to tell if I've made any progress."
He nods and sighs "i guess we can only wait... have you felt any different other than the expected?"
"Well....for once I could actually feel my...height increase during the change. Usually by that point I'm out of control." Eric said. "Say, why don't we go out an do something? Mysteria is bed ridden due to her litter and I can't work since she's resting in my room.
"Chazz doesnt want me go out... something about a bandaged pregnant mon looking bad" he says with a light chuckle
"I think it'll be okay if someone is with you." Eric said. "besides, he sent me here to help you out and to help us both. Doing something together should prove to be of aid."
He nods "ok then... i guess itll be ok" he says and starts to get up. His belly had continued to swell over the few days and ge struggled a bit to get up "i just hope we dont have a... reenactment of what happened last time" he says. He was i pretty bad shape medically, bandages covered his legs arms and tail and he looked like the victim of some terrible accident.
"I agree there. But if something does happen, hopefully what you guys put in my brain will help." Eric said with a kind smile, trying to encourage them.
Once outside, the two walked around. It was a lovely day and a nice breeze was in the air. IT was actually nice to get some fresh air without it being...under the influence of his other side.
Merin stays close and purrs softly being in the sunshine, he could tell they were being watched, ever never too far away hidden in the trees.
"Come on smile." Eric encouraged, unaware of being watched. "We're here to have some fun. Come on."
Making a gesture, he motioned for Merin to follow em to the lake. They could still run back to the house if needed, so it wasn't that far from home.
He tried to, getting to the lake he looked out over it seeing fish swimming around "im trying to" he admits "i just... its hard you know? Ive never... even through someone else... ive never killed anyone... how can one see that... or do that and not be changed?"
"You have a point, no one can be unchanged by it." Eric said. "When....I lost it and most likley killed those people, I set to work finding way to repress the changes until I could find a way to undo my mess. It's how I made the serum as fast as I had. But you can't let it get you done for ever, accept your mistakes, vow to not do it again, and live life."